The Fashion Double Standard

The Fashion Double Standard

I’d like to take this time to speak to the women out there about something that has been on the minds of men for quite some time. We’re not supposed to talk about it though because it’s not manly to do so. Let’s talk about fashion, and more importantly let’s talk about this double standard that exists. “Dennis, come here and watch the football game with us….RIGHT NOW!!” Sorry guys, I’ve got to get this off my chest. Women want us to look boring when we go out. Jeans and a t-shirt, blue suit, shorts and a polo is fine, maybe just throw on some khakis and a nice shirt. How about you just buy us a collar with pretty jewels on it and a nice leash and you can parade us around and tell us what we should think. No more. Why is it that when a famous female actress wears something or cuts her hair in a certain way all women rush out to get it and expect us to notice. Remember how much trouble I got into in 1993 when you came home from the beauty salon with a new haircut and asked “so, what do you think?” And I looked back slightly bewildered and said “it looks nice.” Then you looked at me more sternly with a forced smile and said “does it look like her?” Slightly more worried by the turn of events I whispered “her who?” And you said, in the voice of the exorcist “her from Friends” At this point I put on a fake smile and laughed it all off like I was joking the whole time. “Of course I noticed when you came into the room. You look just like Monica.” I do believe it took three weeks of flowers, walking on egg shells, and having to sit through 2 hours of the tear jerker movie The Remains of The Day, twice before you began to forgive me for not knowing that the magic answer was Phoebe. “What? What do you mean it wasn’t Phoebe?” Three more weeks of hell I had to endure for that little mistake. But women are so quick to flock to whatever someone famous is wearing. “Did you see that little black dress she was wearing in that movie?” “Did I, I bought one this morning and it looks just as cute in the size 14 as it did in the movie. Don’t you think so honey?” “Sure does honey, whatever you say honey” Forgive me for my harsh use of letters, but this is BS. Women admire what the women in women’s films wear. They admire the clothes, the look, and just as importantly, they admire the hair. In the movies these characters are strong minded, beautiful women who tell it like it is. Just as women should be. Well guess what? We have movies with characters that we look up to as well. There are men on the big screen that we’ve dreamt of being like since we were little boys, since before our mothers got their hands on us to mold us into the shorts and t-shirts wearing men we are today. What if? Dare I ask? What if? “Don’t do it Dennis, just grab your slightly uncool, but cleared to be worn football jersey, put it on and come and watch tv.” Guys, I’ll be right there, I’m not wearing jeans and a t-shirt today. This is a big game and I’m going to wear what makes me feel good. A look of concern creeps over the faces of the other guys.
Guys, what movie did we see last weekend? Slight mumbling. I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. What movie did we see last weekend? Dave says “we saw Ironman” We did didn’t we. And after the movie we stopped at the bar and had a couple of drinks and you said how sweet would it be to wear a metal suit of armor to work. Bob, what is your favorite movie you’ve seen recently? “Superman Returns” Bob says. Superman, there’s a great example. Clark Kent wears a nice blue suit with a fedora even, and does anyone notice him at work? Nope. He’s physically fit, very polite and wears a nice suit and cannot get the time of day. Now let’s look at Superman, he puts on blue and red tights with an S on the chest and a red cape and suddenly he’s the man. Men want to be him and women are swooning all over him. Peter Parker can’t even get a date in jeans and a polo but suddenly he’s in a skin tight jumpsuit that looks like a spider and he’s snapping photos of him kissing girls all over the city. Ironman was wearing a suit of armor and ladies were going crazy. Now I can hear the argument from the women, putting on Superman’s outfit doesn’t make you Superman. Well I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but that little bob hair cut you got didn’t exactly make you into Rachel’s twin sister.
I’m not saying we should all go out and buy our favorite superhero costume, but why not make a look that is unique to us? One that makes us feel good about ourselves and makes us want to get up off our asses and do something. I can’t find any statistical studies to prove it, which is odd because I can find one that proves that playing with puppies makes old people happier, but I guarantee women out there that if you are ever in a situation that poses danger, men are 27% more likely to protect you while wearing a Superhero like costume then a man wearing a blue suit and a fedora. I’m sure I can find a school to prove it if needed. So how does this start? If I wear green tights with a hornet on my chest plate and have a green cape with an H on the back to work tomorrow, what then? Will I be sent home for being a distraction? Will I be shunned by everyone else in the office? Or maybe, just maybe I’ll walk in that room with my head held high to the thunderous sounds of men clapping. And maybe on Tuesday Geno from Systems will come in wearing his Flash Gordon outfit, and Mike in Mortgage will have on his Thor looking costume. And who benefits more when men feel like men? That’s right, women do. So the word will quickly get out and women will suddenly be ok with this trendy new fashion for men. Until, the women notice that it’s now the guys getting the looks when they walk into a room together. And then they cut the men off as only they can do. Until the men get weak and begin to crumble and finally one day after we’ve had enough, we get up, put on our khaki pants, blue polo, and spiked collar and go to brunch with you and the girls where the girls will talk about those horrible shoes that Kelly had worn to the party the night before. And the men will talk about the fashion double standard…”what did you guys say” “we said the regular cheeseburger is a fraction of that of a double cheeseburger. “